(Dobbs) “They/Their/Them” Doesn't Help Anybody

If you describe her as “they,” I don’t know how many people there are.

I’m sorry, but there’s an old-fashioned part of me that doesn’t buy into the new genre of gender pronouns.

The latest case in point: Monday morning, Colorado’s state poet laureate died. It was well before her time, She was only 49.

But reporters for some newspapers, some websites, some TV stations would have told you, “It was well before their time. They were only 49.”

“Their?” “They?” This was one person, a talented poet named Andrea Gibson, whose gender assigned at birth— the presently politically correct way to put it— was female.

However, when I read about her death in The Denver Post, I really couldn’t tell. “Gibson, 49, died early Monday morning in their Boulder home surrounded by their wife Megan Falley…. according to an announcement on their Facebook page.”

CNN’s report took the same tack: “Andrea Gibson, a celebrated poet and performance artist who through their verse explored gender identity, politics and their 4-year battle with terminal ovarian cancer, died Monday at age 49. Gibson’s death was announced on social media by their wife.”

Had it been any other awful kind of cancer that killed her, the report would still be gender-neutral.

ABC’s Channel 7 in Chicago? “Gibson's death was announced on social media by their wife, Megan Falley.”

Even Wikipedia’s update went with the confusing plural form of personal pronouns: “Andrea Gibson was an American poet and activist. They lived in Boulder, Colorado from 1999 until their death in 2025.”

Evidently this is how Gibson wanted it. She once said, "I don't necessarily identify within a gender binary. I've never in my life really felt like a woman and I've certainly never felt like a man. I look at gender on a spectrum and I feel somewhere on that spectrum that's not landing on either side of that.” She said she identified as “genderqueer.”

We all have the right to describe ourselves, including our gender, however we see fit. If people say they’re “genderqueer,” then that’s what they are. But for my part, I don’t consider it disrespectful to acknowledge someone’s self-image while at the same time, being clear about the person behind it. If you describe her as “they,” I don’t know how many people there are.

Wikipedia has a “Gender-neutral pronouns” page and it lists fourteen "non-traditional pronouns.” Looking deeper, I found an astonishing seventy different descriptions of gender. Even the initialism LGBT, which was created in the 1990s as an umbrella for sexual identities that don’t fit the traditional mold, is outdated. It has grown to LGBTQIA, which I looked up so you don’t have to. It means “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual or Ally,” and that’s not even the end of it. Now, “2S” sometimes is added to represent “Two-Spirited," which is used by Indigenous people.

Whether LGBTQIA2S actually covers everything remains to be seen.

I’ve been aware of this trend for a few years now because these days you can hardly miss it. I am trying to understand it myself. But what we need to quell the confusion is the invention of new personal pronouns, whole new words, for genderqueers or anyone else. “They/Their/Them”— plural pronouns for a single person— don’t help anybody.

A few years ago, the copy editor of The Washington Post put out this email to the staff: “It is usually possible, and preferable, to recast sentences as plural to avoid both the sexist and antiquated universal default to male pronouns and the awkward use of ‘he’ or ‘she,’ ‘him’ or ‘her’ and the like.” Then the editor gave an example: “All students must complete ‘their' homework,’ not ‘Each student must complete his or her homework’.”

But it’s not just about grammatical simplicity, for as the Post editor went on to write, “The singular ‘they’ is also useful in references to people who identify as neither male nor female.”

And here’s where it gets more complicated. In Women’s Health magazine, a Minnesota therapist named Jackie Golob is quoted saying, “Gender is a term that relates to how we feel about ourselves, the way we choose to express our gender through makeup, dresses, high heels, athletic shorts, sneakers, and more. Our society has convinced us that there are just two options for gender identity, ‘male’ and ‘female,’ based on biological sex. But in reality, there's more fluidity.”

Fluidity? How about clarity??

Like a lot of websites and publications, The Denver Post’s policy on gender pronouns hews to the stylebook of the Associated Press, which advocates using "they" as a singular, gender-neutral pronoun for individuals who do not identify as male or female. Two years ago it updated its own guidance, writing, “Gender terminology is vast and constantly evolving; a style guide can’t cover everything. Let your sources guide you on how they want to be identified, and then use your judgment to be both sensitive and accurate.” At the same time, the AP insists that clarity is a top priority.

But that’s the whole point. “They/Their/Them” is the counterpoint of clarity.

Adam and Eve, in the less ambiguous world of the Old Testament, didn’t have to deal with this. If you believe the Bible, he was the first man, she was the first woman, end of story.

Not for long though. From Alexander the Great to Leonardo da Vinci to the author James Baldwin to the astronaut Sally Ride, alternative sexual identities, albeit sometimes hidden only for history to reveal, have been a part of our world. But Alexander the Great and Da Vinci and Baldwin were still “he.” Ride was still “she.” Gold Medal Olympian Bruce Jenner, who went through surgical, chemical, and cosmetic changes to become Caitlyn Jenner, turned from he into she. No ambiguity there either.

I know several people who have transitioned from their sex “assigned at birth.” I now call them, and think of them, in terms of the gender they have become. But if I use pronouns for Jenner, it will be “she” and “her,” not “they” and “them.” Jenner is now a woman. But only one.

An instructor I know at a university where the trend has taken off tried to explain it to me in an email: “I think we are living in an age where freedom of identity is crucial to the mental health of many young (and old for that matter) people,” she wrote, “and this concept has helped bring an awareness to me that I should absolutely not assume everyone identifies as a female or male.”

I think I get that. But even if they don’t “identify” as female or male, they are pretty definitely one or the other. So when writing about people, meaning no disrespect, I’ll still use gender-specific, not gender-neutral pronouns. I realize I won’t slow this linguistic shift, but if it only makes things more complicated, and it does, I won’t join it either.

Over more than five decades Greg Dobbs has been a correspondent for two television networks including ABC News, a political columnist for The Denver Post and syndicated columnist for Scripps newspapers, a moderator on Rocky Mountain PBS, and author of two books, including one about the life of a foreign correspondent called “Life in the Wrong Lane.” He also co-authored a book about the seminal year for baby boomers, called “1969: Are You Still Listening?” He has covered presidencies, politics, and the U.S. space program at home, and wars, natural disasters, and other crises around the globe, from Afghanistan to South Africa, from Iran to Egypt, from the Soviet Union to Saudi Arabia, from Nicaragua to Namibia, from Vietnam to Venezuela, from Libya to Liberia, from Panama to Poland. Dobbs has won three Emmys, the Distinguished Service Award from the Society of Professional Journalists, and as a 39-year resident of Colorado, a place in the Denver Press Club Hall of Fame.

You can learn more at GregDobbs.net